When you are 30 and recently single, you feel incredibly self conscious going into the local supermarket on a Saturday night to purchase a packet pasta dinner. But you haven't done your grocery shopping because you've been depressed over a guy all week (again) and really need to eat something because you've been in bed all day. You sneak in, hoping that noone you know sees you and think of all the possible scenarios there could be for why you are buying pasta for 1 on a Saturday night and convince yourself that the others in the store, including the shop assistant, aren't thinking it's because you have just been dumped.
Ok, I haven't just been dumped per say however I have no romantic dates planned for the foreseeable future. Once you turn 30, you become aware that relationships are a lot more complicated than going for dinner to convince yourself you are having a relationship when it's really just about having the sex afterwards.
In March this year, I decided to try online dating. Here is my story.
First there was Lyndon. Younger than me at 26. Has tatoos and drives a Holden Commodore. Appearing a tad bogan but providing good conversation online, we decided to meet for dinner. We met at his favourite Thai place in Hamilton. We sat down and I thought that he was kinda cute. However when he stood up to go to the bathroom, he was wearing thongs with jeans, a singlet top and appeared to scan the room nervously. Dinner arrived way to quickly so after we ate we went to the Depot for a drink. Throughout the date, he was fidgety and couldn't maintain eye contact. He proclaimed that he was mature for his age and was a classy guy. Now, from my experience, if you have to say your are classy, you are probably not as classy as you would be led to believe. Oh and he was kicked out of home at 13 because his parents were involved in a cult. Back to the drawing board.
From here on, real names will be replaced with the nicknames they were awarded.
Next, there was the colour blind painter. A very attractive, albeit short, painting and decorating business owner, who was colour bline. We had a little in common, ie I wanted someone attractive and he had a niece and nephew whom he was close with. He was 28 and divorced (although not technically 100% divorced).. Not exactly enough to live happily ever after but I sure did try. A few dates spread out over a 3 week period, it was difficult to know where we were heading. I sniffed a few committment issues but we decided we would continue to spend time together, take it slow and see where things went....That weekend he met a girl at the park and decided he would rather go out with her instead. As my brother said "It ain't a fucking smorgasboard!" 3 weeks later, one Friday night he asked me out to the movies. Clearly the park girl didn't work out but being still hungup on his divorce....That's a deal breaker ladies!
Gayboy was a sweet 26 year old boy, working as a software engineer with my French teacher's husband. We had good conversation online but on our first date he was quite shy. Appearing keen I went on a second date with him to The Bistro on Darby st. It was his favourite place and he enjoyed listening to the man that played the piano. Gay had trimmed his nails since the first date (thank goodness) but had died his hair. I thought that was a little odd. He then talked about how much he wanted a vase to sit on the shelf in his new kitchen but hadn't been able to find one anywhere. Straight after dinner he took me home. I invited him in but apparently he had 4 other parties to go to that night..... Later that week after I suggested we meet for a drink: "Dear Janet I regretably advise...." But we'll be friends, ok? He befriended me on Facebook and I snooped through his photos. There were a lot of him in tank tops, with his arm around a guy who was also wearing a tank top.....This guy should change his ideal partner to "man" on his profile.
The teacher was a favourite amongst the work girls. He was 40 and outdoorsy. We met for a quick breakfast. Gee, he talked alot which was actually quite good because I had an appointment to get to so I just ate my breakfast. It was never going to happen.
Next there was Aiden (as in Carrie's Aiden). I nice guy who made furniture. We had a great connection online however there is a dangerous trap to chatting online for too long - you built up an image of the person, regardless of whether you think you are or not. I was looking forward to meeting this guy I had been chatting to every night for the past week. We were to meet at the Cooks Hill Art Gallery as he was an artist and I was a photographer. I nervously drove down Bull st. As I approached the gallery I saw him waiting out the front. "Oh shit, he's seen me." He was not what I was expecting and I wanted to keep driving. Because he has seen me, I parked around the corner and commenced our date which went from the gallery to The Grind, to The Del. He wanted to move on to the movies but as I sat there with my cocktail, I was thinking how much I would rather be home alone right now. Using the worst excuse ever, that I had to feed the kittens I was fostering, I broke his heart and went home depressed.
During this time, I had been receiving emails from a 42 year old photographer to was trying to impress me by writing sentences in French he has clearly googled. He immediately wanted to meet up for a cup of tea or 2. I said I was busy. He continued to email me, telling me he had had a car crash and was in hospital. Feeling guilty for not responding, I emailed again telling him I hope he got better. This, unfortunately, encouraged him and the emails continued. They provided much entertainment at lunch times but eventually I had to block him.
Then there was the doctor. A caring, brillant, French speaking man. Hard working and close to his family. His heart broken 2 years previous and won the hard fight to keep his 4 year old son in Australia. Quirky and lovable we started a romance.Late night talking over wine. Talking about each other's work and family. This week, he turns 40 and unfortunately he has realised his life is not compatible with a relationship and he has asked to remain friends for now. Tonight, I respond to his "friends request" and wonder what this will mean. I think of all those relationships that have endured seperation - William and Kate, Carrie and Big, Ross and Rachael; and my friends Bec and Andrew, Ingrid and Josh; even my parents.
To be continued....
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